Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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