Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize