I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
