I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
