I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
