I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize