He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
