This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
