the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
