No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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