you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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