We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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