At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my vagina is haunted
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
