she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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