So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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