I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
