Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
