It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize