You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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