Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
