You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
