All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
