she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
