mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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