Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
