I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
