She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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