Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
