So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my shit smells like andre
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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