You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
