Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
