she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
