she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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