If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize