True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
