I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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