In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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