then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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