life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize