We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
