I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
