Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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