What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
