oh god the rape fog is back!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
