So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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