Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
