Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
