I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize