well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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