So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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