Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
