Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
