Only a mothe r could love this liver
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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