So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
