Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
