she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
