Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
