just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
