i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
