the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
