I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
