I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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