We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
