i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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