I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
