I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize