Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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