You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
