And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you made out with another girl for some wings
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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