...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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