Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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